I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
