The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
