I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
