I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
