Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
