Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
