we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
