Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
tell me about the eggs
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