Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
