so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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