He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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