Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
