it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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