Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
