dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
