we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
