Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
