I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
