When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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