i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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