His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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