Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
