She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
