a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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