I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
