Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
