Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
