My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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