every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My pussy is not your playground.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
