Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
