A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
