i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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