I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
