I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
areolas are like halos for boobs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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