he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
