I wish I could punch you in the face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
