i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am midnight drunk by noon
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
