Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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