You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
