fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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