Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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