Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
