just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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