When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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