i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
