uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
