this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
