She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
