Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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