South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
