I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
